Life’s Transitions at their worst.

As temperatures begin to cool, a variation of colors occur. Different shades emerge from orange, red, brown, yellow leaves… and as a result I have always welcomed the season of change.

But change does not only apply to Autumn; it applys to all. Change is the basis of adaptation, of the survival of the fittest if you will. Change was the key ingredient to the idea of Darwinism, to the Declaration of Independence, to even Facebook and Instagram.

Having been a wonderful transition in my life, I have always embraced change. So why is it that now it has become my enemy?

Too much of a variation in such a rapid small time frame is the the culprit in all of this. Instigating the circumstance to which I am in currently with along with piling all the different events in my life that are altering themselves is tearing me down.

To those around me, keeping my composure is not only essential for my sake but for theirs as well. As a result of this, tension is rising at a rapid speed, both mentally and physically.
Physical pains daily, mental exhaustion along with a plastered smile on my face has come to be the norm these days.

In the imminent present the concept of change and the change itself have become impediments to my destination to success.

I simply do not know how much longer I can hold out for before I just crumble…


May 7, 2015


Happy Belated Halloween Post!!

The rhyme you are about to read came from a book I read about 10 years ago. I look at it every so often, and I just came about it today by surprise so why not share it with some of my fellow dark natured junkies. If, you enjoy the poem I suggest you read the book as well.

The Devil’s  Footsteps by E.E. Richardson.
“The Thirteen Stones to the Devil’s Footsteps”

One in Fire, Two in Blood..

Three in Storm, Four in Flood.

Five in Anger, Six in Hate..

Seven Fear, Evil Eight.

Nine in Sorrow, Ten in Pain..

Eleven Death, Twelve Life Again!

_Thirteen Steps to the Dark Mans Door_



“Land of the Free”.. Story of an Undocumented American

In the weeks to come my life will be called into question…
No I am not on trial for murder; but worse the trial for my life.

In 2 weeks and 2 days to be exact my life will be served on a silver platter to be judged on a whim by an individual who knows me no better than he would know you.

I am going into my Immigration Interview…

Here’s my brief story: I was born in Morocco, and left at the age of 3 to America. My parents brought me in hopes to give their children the American Dream. Sadly, that is the biggest scam America has ever sold anyone. I went to school, ditched my native language, culture, behavior to be taught american customs. Graduating school in 2011 was one of the best and worst moments in my life. It was a time where my fellow peers and I were supposed to actually begin our lives.. with work and college and opportunities to travel and just experience life. Although I am happy many of my friends and acquaintances are on their way to their dreams, it has become a painful reminder of my time in limbo.

Fast forwarding October 2012 I married the love of my life, which was my boyfriend of 2 years. From there we finally began the filing process so I can have the official status of being the American I ALREADY am.

Here I am now 2 weeks away from the hardest test I can ever take. It will be difficult, because it is not based on the facts that is my life but on the interviewer’s assumptions on my life. If I say my favorite color is blue, it is up to them to see if it is true or not.

If they FEEL that any part of my life is a lie; I will be stripped away from the life I know, the friends I have, my husband, to a place where I have no family, to be all alone..

How is that fair?
Yes I understand that “Life’s not fair.

This brings me more turmoil that many can understand. It is as if I am a puppet in this world to be treated any such way with no regards to my feelings. It creates this inferiority complex within me that has altered my personality in more ways than one and I am in constant hiding so my loved ones can have an ease of mind.

Thus giving birth to one of the world’s best POKER FACES.  



10:58 pm



Time is of the essence
as we all know..
One second your born
the next you go.

What we do with our lives
better be worth it,
Not in our last moments having said,
“I enjoyed it a bit.”

So follow your dreams..
and reach for the stars.
Until death,
we have an infinite amount of pars.

So to all those times
you are filled with self-doubt;
Go for it and prosper
or else you will be without..

Time is of the essence.

28 June 2014